I'm afraid of being alone till the end of my life. This is the only thing that makes me wanna die... right now...
Is this going to change? Or the real question is AM I GOING TO CHANGE?
I don't see meaning in life. THIS life. MY LIFE.
I'm afraid.
SOmetimes I just wish I could forget about all the people and let them go. It is easier to be alone than to have people around you and still feel loneliness.
I wish I had a friend. A REAL ONE.
I'm afraid of being forever alone...

WOW!
I cannot believe it is August now. Can you? It seems like yesterday was the 3d of June, when I had my last exam. How could summer pass by so quickly?
And of course I have the answer - I have worked all the summer to get some money... But now I am not sure how I would like to spend it. Memories or material things?
Beucase of my family's income I haven't visited different countries.. Only some of the Europian ones with my classmates.. But that is not the kind of traveling I would like to experience now. But is it worth it, to spend all the money I have, that I earned while working THE WHOLE summer, on 8 days of relaxation? Thats the question...
And I doubt that I will ever choose memories over material things.
Thats sad, actually:(

It feels so empy inside... Every day, 24/7 I think about my life. Who am I? I am tired of not understanding myself.
Maybe I am just too selfish and want everything to be my way. I speak too much, but am I doing anything to achive something?
I may hate my life, but why have I become who I am? It is only because of me, it is me, who lives the life. MY LIFE.

Well, yesterday (or 2 days ago, to tell the truth I even don't remember now when it was) I bought a really BIG red candle and now looking at its flame I feel warm inside.<3
Me and my friend also watched the cartoon - "Christmas carol" in SilverScreen a couple of days ago. Can't say that I'm very impressed, but its always enjoyable when you spend some time with your friends!<333 And you know, there were only 4 people watching this movie, including us, so this was kinda weird :D
New Year is coming and I still don't know where to celebrate it. To stay with my family perhaps is the best variant, cause I don't think that going to the "Fortress" will be awesome... What is more, there will be people that I don't like very much and I think this could spoil the whole festivity! But on the other side, drinking with my classmates might be quite enjoable, but still what I don't like about this idea is that nobody is going to plan this party...

I'm a little bit confused because I don't know WHAT MY FUTURE PROFESSION WILL LOOK LIKE! I can't decide what to choose. Yeap, I might be just frightened by the importance of this decision, but who except me has to make it? Nobody...
And, well, I wrote to the major of universities only today! And I don't know when I'll get a reply, 'cause all the departmentS are closed till 4th January!!!! But the deadline for appliance is 15th January:(
I'm just such a stupid!

Haven't been writing here for quite a long time! And you know, so many things have happened and have changed during this period. I even can't compare me-now to me-half-a-year-ago.
It's very hard for me to understand myself, what to say for others.I don't know what I want! It's like 'I'm not me anymore, can anyone help me?'
I want to be careles child again, pleeease!

i'm just so tired of doing nothing. but i don't want to do anything. the bottom line is i'm just loosing my mind.
i'm INSANE. can anyone help me?
i just hope my doctor will allow me to stay at home till wednesday.
thursday is waiting for me, hello my dear exam

Tomorrow is Monday and I'm staying at home))) It is the last day of spring holidays and then I will be studying till summer! In fact at the beginning of June I'm having an exam on economics... But I'm not very good at this subject. So preparation is compulsory)
By the way, the weather is getting better. I just hope this spring won't be like previous: the first part was cold, but then it became hot suddenly.
So many things need to be done. They must have been done the month before but because of my laziness I haven't done them. I don't know what I will get and what it will cause I just wish I can get some more time to do them.
I also have to become more organized!!!! But I don't know what should I do. I just understand that wishing isn't enough. But this understanding also doesn't help me!
But now i'm gonna see the movie!

Last days were just gorgeous!♥ I was shopping with my friend and spent ALL money I had ;D I bought a really nice bag and found an awesome perfume - DK New York Be Delicious. I adore them. But it is a pity that I'm out of money for abour 3 weeks...:( Hope I'm not gonna die:D
But tomorrow I'm going abroad and I know there will be some more fabulous moments!♥♥♥